Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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