Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
