I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
