Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
