If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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