Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Life is so much better after having sex.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
