Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
