I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
