i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Randomize
