counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
