I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
