tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
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Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
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An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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