community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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