i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
