god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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