I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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