Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
