youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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