maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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