When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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