Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
