I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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