Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
