WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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