apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
