im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
