im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
hotel room ftw
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I wear drunk well.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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