I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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