I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
