so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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