i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
