3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
