Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
