i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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