Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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