you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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