Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
