Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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