3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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