Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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