70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
