I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
