Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
