Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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