fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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