It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
