help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
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im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I forget how to act sober
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