I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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