if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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