I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
