He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
