Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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