I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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