well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
