Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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