my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
