But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
