I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
