Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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