he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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