Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
