Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
