I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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