I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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