all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
