I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
