and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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