Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
